Often we think that a better negotiator, come with better negotiation skills.
That’s not entirely true.
A better negotiator is often the one with better control over their emotions, not better negotiation skills.
While negotiating, I have in many cases felt the need to close the deal with some compromises. Not because they were the the best deals, but because I was afraid of losing something.
The fear of losing the deal. The time I had already invested in it. The worry of starting start all over again with a new vendor. The feeling of having failed at the negotiations. Or simply because I got impatient, thinking, “let’s just get over with it”.
Whenever emotion takes over, you may get the deal, but end up losing the negotiation.
- Now, after years of winning, failing, losing at negotiations, what I have learnt is simple.
- You can win the deal and lose the negotiation.
- You can lose the deal and win the negotiation.
- “No deal” isn’t necessarily failure.
Getting to an agreement isn’t the same as getting a good agreement.
What I realized is that you need to emotionally detach yourself from the end outcome. You want the deal, but you shouldn’t need it. Because the moment you start fearing the loss of the deal, you are most likely to compromise just to avoid losing it.
And if your fear of losing the deal makes you negotiate against yourself, you have already lost the negotiation.
